During pregnancy it can be hard to know what is safe or not sexually. New pains and discomforts are discovered often as bodies change and hormones adjust and increase. How do we navigate sex toys and sex during pregnancy with these new adjustments?
I found out I was pregnant and truly did not believe I would be finding any difficulties with sex or self-pleasure. I’ve always been hot-blooded and I love my sex toys like I love my snacks… They hold a special place in my heart and body. That being said, I was entirely unprepared for the discomfort that could come with the different trimesters of pregnancy and how to navigate them. Pain during pregnancy and discomfort in a sexual nature is not something that is often spoken of, so many feel hopeless and out of touch with their bodies! Thankfully, there’s something important to remember…
There are toys that can assist with this discomfort during your pregnancy! Regaining your pleasure is entirely obtainable, deserved, and your right.
Common Discomforts that Can Arise With Pregnancy
When you become pregnant there’s a massive increase in blood flow to the pelvic area. This creates discomfort and pressure to the general area and can make self pleasure or sex quite uncomfortable. During pregnancy, the uterus will also get larger so any contact with it will feel painful. Unfortunately, I was forced to say goodbye to my normal, favorite internal sex toys during this transformation.
The hormones in the body are fluctuating quite a bit during pregnancy and orgasms release oxytocin, which can cause uterine contractions that leave the body with mild cramping for up to several hours after sex. Although this cramping is mild, it’s important to recognize this discomfort and the effect it can have on libido and interest in self pleasure or sex. This also leads to vaginal dryness. If you have a genital or pelvic infection or an ectopic pregnancy please reach out to your doctor for further treatment.
Your body becomes hypersensitive in the genitals and especially the nipples. If you are a fan of breast play with toys or with your partner, it can become unbearable, especially in the first trimester of pregnancy. There are also changes in your own mind, whether it’s anxiety over the pregnancy, the birthing process, or the change in your life - all of these can hinder pleasure and focus during self play and partnered play.
Please remember that sex and self pleasure is entirely safe during all points of pregnancy. You are allowed your pleasure, but be gentle with yourself. Your libido may change alongside your body. This is normal and we must be kind to ourselves.
Toys That Assist With Libido and Pain During Pregnancy
Massage and External Stimulation:
Let’s start with a common occurrence: change in libido. During pregnancy, you may see your libido fall in the first trimester. This can be due to the hormones, stress, or the pain you experience. It’s important to know that sex toys do NOT have to lead to orgasm for you to find pleasure or benefit from them.
Massage assists with relaxation and retaining connection to your body. A massager can be used all over the body and in a variety of different erogenous zones. They can be used to calm yourself, and a partner can use it to connect with you and show appreciation during this strenuous time.
One of my favorites to recommend is the Wellness Palm Sense, a deep, rumbly vibrator that can be used to massage externally through the two, powerful motors. It has a finger fin as well to assist with self massage and applied pressure through partnered massage. Another fantastic product is the Iroha Mini Vibrator, a powerful vibe that fits perfectly in the hand for all-over massage and applied pressure.
Pain During Insertion
When pain during insertion is a challenge during pregnancy, the use of dilators can be incredibly beneficial. They come in varying sizes and have rounded, flexible ends to prevent impact to the cervix. When matched with a water-based lubricant, they are used to work up to larger penetration or to simply enjoy insertion without discomfort. The Alena Silicone Dilators come in three sizes, are body-safe, and work beautifully with the body when penetration may be desired but dildos or a penis are far too large to use for penetration during pregnancy pain. The Satisfyer Ultra Bullet is another great option. It’s a slim and long vibrator that can be used vaginally for small, internal stimulation without too much girth, and externally for pinpointed pleasure all over the body when internal stimulation is not desired.
Navigating a Growing Belly
Beyond pain and discomfort during pregnancy, it’s important to acknowledge the growing parts of the body as well! During pregnancy your belly expands, making positions for self-pleasure and sex a bit more difficult. In these situations, toys with a long and ergonomic handle are essential. They help navigate new positions that are more comfortable to you and put less pressure on the back, stomach, and pelvis, and reach between bodies for partnered play as well.
Some of the toys I recommend for this are the Wellness G Wave, a toy perfect for those looking for both internal and external stimulation for blended orgasms, but need a toy that can reach over the belly or between bodies during different positioning. It has a long handle for better mobility and curves slightly to work with your body, which is much easier to work with during pregnancy than standard wands and toys that have a straight handle.
The Tantus Echo Handle Silicone Dildo has subtle flexibility, but is firm enough to remain rigid during penetration. It also has a long handle that easily can be held and self-navigated or used by a partner during different positions. Please do keep in mind that the shaft of this toy is not super slim, so if you have difficulty with penetration due to pain - be sure to utilize lubrication and dilators to better enjoy the experience with this toy.
Your Pleasure. Your Right.
Pregnancy is a time to rejoice, but it’s also okay to not enjoy the changes to your body or the discomfort that can come with it. Normalize all forms of pregnancy, even the ones where those who are pregnant do NOT like what is happening. During this complicated time, embrace that although your pleasure may fluctuate or discomfort may become known - there are ways to assist. Your self-pleasure is your right and navigating your joy and sexual enjoyment is obtainable during pregnancy.
Go easy on yourself, regain your pleasure, and rejoice in your hard work.