Interview: Shibari Rises - Kelly Shibari On Batman, Books And Being Bodacious!

This September SheVibe had the chance to converse with the beautiful Kelly Shibari who hails from the long lineage of “Earth's Mightiest Heroes”… ok, not really, but she is most definitely a hero in the battle for female empowerment, sexuality and self-acceptance.

The “BBW Performer Of The Year” is so much more than a vivacious, bodacious adult entertainer! She’s also an intelligent, driven business woman who runs the PR firm ThePRSMGroup while simultaneously staying geeky enough to possess an uncanny grasp of everything otherworldly - including the Marvel Universe, the depths of Gotham and Star Trek’s deep space.

She’s just the right combination of sexy, sassy, worldly and intellectual and SheVibe was super curious about what makes this unique woman tick - and we were not disappointed (and we’re kind of crushing)!

This month, a unique Q&A with the fabulous Kelly Shibari, SheVibe’s Cover Girl for September 2014!

SheVibe:

You can have six hours of conversation with anyone alive or dead, famous or infamous. Who do you chat up?

Kelly Shibari:

My mom. She saw things start to get good right before she passed away. I’d love to share everything with her and get her advice on the next phase, you know? She’s such an inspiration, both in business and life. Otherwise – I’d have to say Zig Ziglar. Hands down one of the most influential people for me, again, both in business as well as life.

SheVibe:

One of the many things we love about you is that you are the epitome of a sexy nerd. What do you attribute that to, or is that even how you see yourself?

Kelly Shibari:

Thank you! I absolutely am proud of my nerdi-ness. The sexy thing I think came way later; I guess I was a late bloomer, and that coincided with gaining more confidence in myself. But I was always a nerd. I think a lot of that comes from my parents – they always pushed me to do my best, and never accepted less than 100%. As a kid I hated it, of course. But now I’m grateful for the high standards they placed on me; it’s made me someone who’s constantly curious, in love with research, and always interested in developing and growing.

SheVibe:

We understand you enjoy reading, can you tell us what is on your summer reading list? Do you have an all-time favorite book that you recommend to your friends?

Kelly Shibari:

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. It’s an easy read and something you can always take with you when you travel, and the lessons in it are so important. I recommend it to everyone.

In terms of my summer reading, I’m revisiting the Ziglar books. For me it’s easy, because my dad has most of them. He also just gave me The Other Irish by Karen F. McCarthy because we’re Protestant Irish and I love learning about that sort of thing. He gave me a copy of Phyllis Schlafly’s The Flipside of Feminism as well a while back – I haven’t delved into it yet, but I think it’s always good to know how the “other feminists” think. Yeah, yeah – I guess I AM a hardcore nerd LOL.

SheVibe:

Do you have a favorite superhero? What would your superhero power be if you had your druthers?

Kelly Shibari:

I love the Batman mythos. Compared to most other superheroes, that character is singularly one who didn’t come from another planet or was the victim of some chaotic gene-altering event. He experienced a personal chaotic event, and decided to make the world better. It’s a credo more of us should aspire to – costume not required, of course.

Is patience a superhero power? Haha! I think prophecy; I hate surprises, and I’d love to be able to warn others (if they’d actually hear me).

SheVibe:

You used to own and operate PaddedKINK, and now run ThePRSMGroup. You became the first BBW on the cover of Penthouse Forum, jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: Plus Size was just released; you have hosted award shows, were Guest of Honor at Fetish Con, and you’ve won more awards than any other BBW performer in the industry. You’re literally in rock star mode! What do you think has contributed to this being such a banner year so far?

Kelly Shibari:

I think it’s a lot like telling people they’re an “overnight sensation” – a lot of the projects I’ve been lucky enough to be a part of this year is a result of planning, pitching, developing, and promoting things for the past few years. I try to pace everything out, but this year has really been a whirlwind, mainly because so many of the projects which were in development the last few years all came to fruition one after another. PaddedKINK going from a membership site to ebooks is part of that; same goes for the sex ed film and the Penthouse Forum cover.

The funny thing is I’m in an interesting place now – I now need to figure out what exactly my “next phase” is. It’s a surreal feeling. ThePRSMGroup (my PR and Marketing company) takes up the bulk of my day-to-day work, but I have fans urging me to try things like webcam, so who knows? I have a few ideas, but I now have a little less immediate urgency, so I can really develop things without feeling rushed. It’s a nice feeling, but a little unnerving at the same time, only because it’s a feeling I’m not used to.

SheVibe:

So you speak fluent Japanese, what is your favorite phrase? Curse at us a little too.

Kelly Shibari:

I don’t really curse much in general. One of the most complicated words I’ve had to try to explain to people is kuyashii – it basically means “I tried so hard, and gave my best, but failed anyway.” It’s hard to explain because it’s not a word that actually means failure – it’s more a word that should inspire to keep trying.

I also love how Japanese has two separate words for love – ai and koi. Koi is like puppy love – it’s swift, passionate, and very emotional. Ai is deeper. I read once that koi is always selfish, always wanting. Ai is always giving. I think the differentiation is something lacking in English, and so it’s hard to teach young people the difference between the two kinds of love – and it’s why there are so many frustrations and misunderstandings here.

SheVibe:

Tell us about your Japanese heritage – are there any cultural traditions you continue to observe? How different is the societal view of sex, sexuality and sexual taboo with the Japanese people when contrasted to the views of Americans?

Kelly Shibari:

Not being around other Japanese people from Japan, and especially since my mom passed, I haven’t done many of the traditions. Mom and I used to have tea every time I’d visit – but that form of “spending time” is a tradition not limited to Japan. I think these days any form of “tradition” is limited to dining etiquette, and how I see the world in general. I regularly seem to have to explain why I handle and react to things in a particular way, especially in business.

Sex is very much a taboo topic here in the US. In Japan, it was always considered part of overall health, so conversations about body functions, including sex, were always approached from a practical, logical perspective. Parents and children often discuss health-related issues openly, including sex. Media in Japan also discusses sexual topics openly – from comics (manga/anime) to television programming, sex is often funny, accepting, and widely discussed, rather than kept in the dark and afraid of discourse like it is here.

Of course, when you see sex as a “normal, healthy” thing, and you’re a culture thousands of years old, primarily as a singular culture, you’re going to want to explore boundaries, get into some interesting stuff, and accept and promote diversity. Japan is a nation with tentacle porn and bukkake, after all – and we’re that way because we’ve experienced government intervention and discrimination and have found workarounds. The US is just a newer country, and a culture steeped in constantly having new cultures being added to the melting pot. Each time, there’s going to be fear of change, and lots of chaos resulting from it. We’re starting to see acceptance and tolerance, but there’s still a long ways to go here.

SheVibe:

What does body acceptance mean to you?

Kelly Shibari:

I think body acceptance is not limited to people of size. All men and women need to be more comfortable with themselves – and it’s really, really hard to do. With media messages constantly telling ourselves we’re not good enough, ever, and the only way we can even remotely try to be happy is to buy some gadget, some program, some pill…after a while, you end up believing the hype. The American economic landscape sadly does not benefit from people being happy – they profit from the sadness of their consumers. It’s a sucky situation when the people and companies you listen to day in and day out are constantly telling you you’re not worth anything – unless you buy their product. It breeds bullying as a “good” thing. That needs to change, and it needs to start somewhere.

SheVibe:

How do you feel about the term BBW? Do you think it’s a necessary categorization?

Kelly Shibari:

I tend to use “plus size” personally. It’s a necessary evil to have labels in a consumer-driven society. I don’t mind the term “BBW,” though it certainly creates a “well, she’s not the second B” type of bullying, which I dislike. “Plus size” is slightly derogatory too – plus what? It maintains that you’re “more” than something else, and that something else is what’s “desirable,” so it’s a backhanded compliment, because the “positive” definition of the word “plus” is actually meant to mean “less than” in terms of beauty and worth.

But I understand why these terms are used as keywords, in addition to other labeling, when it comes to things like adult entertainment. Sometimes you have to accept a measure of labeling when it comes to marketing, and just remind yourself it’s not personal. You need to know what size something is when you’re making a purchase, and you need to know what keywords you need to type into Google to find exactly what you’re looking for. Taking emotion and ego out of the situation, and seeing it just from a practical, logical point of view is what works best for me.

SheVibe:

Are there any upcoming projects you can tell us about? If you can’t give us any details, at least tease us a little!

Kelly Shibari:

I just released PaddedKINK 1 and PaddedKINK 2, two plus size kink/fetish erotica ebook anthologies. They’re stories from the PaddedKINK site I used to run, and the reviews have been awesome. I also have a “star showcase” film, Meet Kelly, coming out from Digital Sin in late September. I have scenes with some of the biggest A-list male performers in the industry, and fans will also get to know a little more about me through interviews between the scenes. I’ll be attending the NightMoves Awards in Tampa in the fall…and then preparing for the AVN and XBIZ conventions and awards in the new year. Then…who knows? You’ll have to stay tuned; I post all of my stuff on my free fan site, http://KellyShibariXXX.com, and always chat about events and projects on Twitter and Facebook.