There’s nothing wrong or shameful about getting old. After all, it’s something that’s going to happen to all of us, if it hasn’t already.
Grey hairs, aches and pains, loss of flexibility, lack of energy, concerns about injury, feelings of isolation, hormonal fluctuations, and (especially as we’re going to be focusing on sex here) performance challenges - eventually all or some of these are going to become a reality in your life.
If there is something shameful about getting old, it’s in that many cultures, especially Western ones, see anyone with even a little snow on the roof as being ghosts (and please excuse this touch of the melodramatic) who are not yet buried especially when it comes to sex. But just as getting older is an unavoidable part of life so it is that physical pleasure doesn’t have to end because you suddenly start getting invitations to join AARP (no insult to that fine organization).
1. Celebrating A New Stage of Life
The first, and inarguably the most important way to deal with sex and aging is to accept, and even embrace it. Sure, when you’re surrounded by a society that celebrates youth and vigor this is going to be a toughie but trying to deny, or worse push yourself to do things that you simply aren’t capable of anymore, is going to do more harm than good - emotionally as well as physically.
This may not work for everyone, but you may find that an older role-model can be sexually affirming: someone who has hit those chronological milestones with grace, poise, passion, and sexuality is a reminder that if they can do it so can you.
And, seriously, who’d kick Jeff Goldblum, Helen Mirren, Patrick Stewart, Emma Thompson, Denzel Washington or Pam Grier out of bed?
2. Seek Medical Help If Necessary
Being open to asking for assistance is key. Medically, sure: talking to your physician about any concerns you might have regarding sexual activity is important. Pharmacologically, absolutely: many medications, including that certain magic blue pill, aren’t just a great physical assist but can also be an all-important psychological tool in overcoming anxiety around sexual performance. Talk to your doctor before trying anything, especially about potential interactions with any medications you may be taking.
3. Have Fun!
Before getting into the nuts and bolts, let’s have a brief chat about having a positive mindset around sex toys. While it might be tempting to do so, try not to think of them as a replacement for body parts that might not be as responsive as they once were but rather as something exciting to add to your sexual exploration.
The idea here is if you think of them as a replacement, using them might bring up feelings of inadequacy or resentment. But if you view sex toys as something fun in their own right, hopefully, experimenting with them will not just enhance sexual pleasure but bring a new level of enthusiasm for all things erotic.
In other words, have fun with them: reading about, shopping for, testing, learning (or re-learning) your body can lead you to a whole new world of sex to explore.
4. For Penises
If you have one, a great place to start is with cock rings. Slipped around the shaft and (with certain models) behind the testicles, cock rings slightly restrict blood flow from the shaft, often making erections easier to achieve and maintain. They can also reduce sensitivity: making them a good choice for those who might be struggling with premature ejaculation.
Available in a staggering array of sizes, materials, and some even equipped with miniature vibrators, finding the cock ring that works for you might be a tad daunting but—as the saying goes—the fun is had in the journey, not the destination.
So, try a few out, get some trial and error experiences under your belt, and before long you’ll have found a favorite …or maybe a dozen favorites.
Another great range of items for those with penises are the kissing-kins to the cock ring: extenders and girth rings. The former slips over an erect or semi-erect penis to provide additional length. The latter does the same but adds (you guessed it) girth. As both need an erection or semi-erection to function well, you may find the assistance of a cock ring (or medicinal help) may help achieve the desired result.
For self-pleasure - though a partner can certainly be there to join in on the fun - many seniors enjoy using penis pumps to achieve erection as well as to achieve orgasm: the enhanced pressure coupled with the rhythmic pulses of the pump gives the user a unique and powerful sexual experience. Vulvas & nipples can also greatly benefit from pumping.
5. Anal Play
The bum is an often-overlooked erogenous zone, which makes anal play a great option for those with a few years under their belt. One very important aspect to remember when using anal sex toys is remembering to take things gently and slowly - especially if you don’t have a great deal of experience. Healing from an anal injury is a slow process even when you’re young and it’s much slower when you aren’t.
Young or old, anal play requires lots and lots of lube. Anuses, after all, do not self-lubricate so you should use something that’s ideal for that region. As with vaginal play, never hesitate to apply more if you’re feeling any discomfort. Additionally, discomfort can be a sign that you should slow down or stop.
Lube, lube, and even more lube. As for what type of toy you should use anally, it’s always recommended to only use ones specifically designed for anal play. Never, never insert a toy anally that does not have an adequately flared base. If you’re a beginner, start small and work your way up in size. Many anal toys also come with vibrational features or are designed for prostate play: which can also be very pleasurable for those who might find erections challenging to achieve or maintain.
6. Vaginal & Vulva Play
For those with vulvas and vaginas, be prepared to be blown away by all the sex toy possibilities. They basically fall into two categories: those which are insertable and those specifically designed for the clitoris. Naturally, there are a huge range of toys that combine the two, best known as dual or rabbit vibes.
The key is to use plenty of lubrication. Luckily, the science of lubrication has come a long way giving people all kinds of wonderful new options to keep things comfortable and slippery.
One lube we highly recommend is Sassy, which is good for both anal and vaginal play. Remember though, when selecting a lube, that some can react negatively with the material your sex toy is made of. For example, some silicone toys may begin to break down over time after being exposed to a silicone-based lube.
So do a bit of research around what toys you have or are going to be using and select the right lube for the job - and never hesitate to reach for more (or stop) if you’re feeling any kind of discomfort.
Also, as with anal toys, it’s a good idea to begin your sex toy play on the smaller, simpler side: until, that is, you have an idea of what you like as well as what your body is comfortable with.
If you might be nervous about insertable toys, or if you don’t have a lot of vaginal sensitivity, then a wand massager or clit-focused toy might be in order. Many of these toys are equipped with all kinds of intensities and vibrational patterns - giving you lots of room to experiment until you find the combination that works.
7. Think Outside the Box
There are popular toys that people-of-a-certain-age might not immediately think about regarding sexual pleasure. A perfect example are strap-on harnesses: which is a belt or thigh rig designed to hold an insertable sex toy.
If you enjoy anal or vaginal intercourse - giving or receiving - but have been experiencing physical constraints in doing so, having a partner wear a strap-on with an appropriate toy can assist without putting undue pressure on your partner to perform (aka maintaining an erection). Additionally, the partner wearing the strap-on can also incorporate a vibrating cock ring or anal pleasure device.
What we’re really talking about here is looking at sex toys playfully, with a maybe-this-with-that or that-could-be-fun or even that-looks-wild-can’t-wait-to-try attitude. It can be great fun mixing it up and use an anal sex toy while also using a cock ring or clit-vibrator. If you’re using the toy in a way that makes you feel good (and is safe for that body part) then there’s no limit to the pleasures to be had.
Conclusion: Age Is A State Mind … Sort Of
While it is true that having a positive and, for lack of a better word, youthful approach to life can be crucial to a healthy acceptance of getting older, the fact is that everyone’s body is going to age (grey hairs and all) and no positive outlook can change that.
If you accept these changes as you get older, learn to not just accept them but see them as a positive and embrace the inevitable. Reach out for help when you need it, and have fun exploring the new possibilities that sex toys can bring to your sex life. When the inevitable happens, as it will to all of us, then it will come with understanding, peace-of-mind and perhaps even a renewed passion for sexual pleasure.
Here are a few takeaways that may help you on your journey to finding and maintaining passion in your later years:
- Learn to accept that getting older is a part of life.
- Try to celebrate and not fear getting older.
- Find senior role models who, in your eyes, reflect sensuality and passion.
- Reach out to your medical professional for help.
- Similarly, don’t hesitate to seek out counseling if necessary.
- There is no shame in using pharmaceuticals to aid in sexual pleasure but be aware of potential interactions with other medications you may be taking.
- Understand and accept your sexual limitations.
- Look at integrating sex toys into your bedroom adventures as an addition and not as a replacement.
- Find pleasure in learning about sex and sexuality options.
- Discover the delights in trying out sex toys and news ways to experience physical pleasure. Get to know your body!
- Have a positive attitude about getting older but also embrace the realities of it.
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