Fingering, butt plugs, anal beads, pegging – there are numerous things you might think of when the subject of butt stuff comes up. But you don’t have to dive deep to enjoy your ass. In fact, you can keep your anal play entirely external.
From fingertips, to sex toys, to rimming, here’s an overview of the ways you can play with your butt hole – or somebody else’s.
Building Up to Butt Stuff
Anal pleasure can take some getting used to, especially when you’re still determining what you’re interested in. It can be helpful to do some cursory exploring, even before you try fingers, toys, or tongues.
The next time you masturbate or receive sexual stimulation from a partner, try squeezing your butt muscles. Flexing your cheeks or rhythmically clenching your hole can be uniquely stimulating, and pairing it with a familiar pleasure helps normalize the sensation. It’s a great way to start thinking about your butt as being a normal part of sex play.
When you’re ready, try touching yourself or having a partner touch you. You can pet and knead your butt cheeks, skim your fingertips over and into the crack of your ass, and gently touch your hole. These kinds of exploratory touches wake up the nerves in your skin.
Take your time. Focus on the exploration rather than trying to be immediately pleasurable. Feel the way your body responds to every stroke, press, and tickle. Try different motions or amounts of pressure. What does it feel like to have a fingertip rest against your hole? A palm squeezing or smacking your ass cheek?
It’s okay to feel “weird” or shy or awkward. This is all new! Just remember that there’s nothing shameful about your body, your curiosity or desires, or the ways you experience pleasure.
Keeping Clean for Anal Play
Cleanliness is often a major concern for folks new to butt stuff. Many of us have been conditioned to think of anal sex as “dirty” and shameful. But bodily functions aren’t “gross,” and people have been having anal sex for all of human history.
Will you at some point encounter some fecal matter? Maybe! As the saying goes: shit happens. But there are measures you can take to mitigate the likelihood.
Practice good wiping techniques: slow, gentle strokes from front to back, using a fresh fold for each wipe. If your stool is loose or you have a lot of body hair, use non-scented, methylisothiazolinone-free wet wipes. You might also want to consider trying out a bidet.
When bathing, don’t just hope that the shower spray will get you clean on its own. Work a mild, safe-for-skin soap into a lather and gently wash your crack and the outside of your hole. Do not put soap up your ass.
Optionally, if you want to rinse out your asshole for shallow anal play, you can use an enema bulb and some lukewarm water. Lubricate the nozzle for easier insertion. Squeeze the water out gently, then remove the nozzle. Hold the water in for under a minute, then release. For deeper anal play, you may want to repeat this process for a more thorough rinse.
Safer Sex Barriers
As with any kind of sex that involves skin/genital contact, anal sex can transmit STI’s. If barriers are part of your sex routine, you can absolutely incorporate them for external anal play. These include dental dams, latex or nitrile gloves, and finger cots.
In addition to reducing your chance of STI’s or other anally transmitted infections, barriers can make anal play less intimidating if you’re uncomfortable with direct finger or oral contact with the anus. Dental dams were designed for oral sex; to use them anally, simply hold – don’t stretch! – the dam over the receiver’s hole and use slightly firmer licks. Using lubricant can help make the dam feel less abrasive to the receiver, as well as help it ‘stick’ in place.
Playing With Fingers
Fingers aren’t just for penetrating! They are excellent tools for external pleasure.
Further, most of the finger play described here can be performed with other body parts too. Your knuckles, the head of your penis, and even your toes can be used for touching and massage.
How do you prepare for finger play?
If you normally keep your nails short, make sure you’ve recently trimmed and filed them before you indulge in butt play. If you keep your nails long or wear nail extensions, you may want to consider wearing some latex or nitrile gloves (especially if you’re leading up to penetration.) Some people further buffer their gloved nails by putting cotton balls in the fingertips.
Whether you’re going to utilize bare fingers or wear gloves, make sure you use lube. The anus has very delicate skin, and too much friction can be uncomfortable, cause chafing, or even result in nicks or tears. Silicone lube is long lasting and a favorite for anal play. You can use it with dams, condoms, and latex or nitrile gloves, but not with silicone sex toys.
How can you use your fingers for anal pleasure?
Butt holes are incredibly sensitive, so light, steady touches are ideal to start.
A few methods to consider:
Circle their hole with the tip of your finger, going slowly enough that you can feel every wrinkle in their skin. Paying attention to detail will help you remain steady and consistent.
Press the pad of your thumb against the center of their hole and apply light pressure. You can maintain that pressure, or vary it, as you massage your finger in slow, possessive circles.
Alternate between soft taps and firm rubbing. Tapping can be jarring, which not everyone enjoys in and of itself. The jolts of sensation can keep your attention on the stimulation, and make subsequent massaging even more pleasurable.
Use an ice cube in place of your fingertips. Make sure you partially melt the surface of the ice with the warmth of your hand first – fresh ice has a tendency to stick to skin.
Sex Toys For External Anal Play
Sex toys are a great addition to any kind of sex. From vibration to pulsation to rotating beads, sex toys offer unique stimulation at the push of a button. Many of these sensations can be enjoyed anally!
How do you prepare toys for anal use?
It’s important to remember that you can use any toy externally, but if you’re intending on penetrating your ass, the toy has to have a flared base! The anus has powerful muscles and can draw toys in too deep to retrieve by hand. If the toy has a base that’s adequately wider than the insertable portion, it’s safe to use.
Toys can create a lot of friction just like fingers. To protect delicate skin – and increase your pleasure – make sure you use lube. Water-based lube is safe to use with silicone sex toys; Sliquid Sassy is a long-lasting water-based lube that’s great for anal.
To sanitize your toys after anal use, thoroughly wash them with a 10% bleach, 90% water solution. Silicone dildos can be sanitized in boiling water, but sex toys with mechanical parts – like vibrators – should never be boiled! If you want to avoid having to sanitize your toys, you can use barriers like condoms (without silicone lube) or dental dams.
What kinds of sex toys can be used for external anal play?
Just about any! There are, for example, sex toys with fluttering “tongues” that can flick and lick your hole. These kinds of toys require easy access to your butt, which means your cheeks must be spread. You can do this by hand, but some positions – like laying on your back with your knees to your chest, or being on your knees and elbows with your ass raised – naturally part your cheeks.
For firm, consistent lapping, there’s the CalExotics Laguna Beach Lover and the Pipedream Her Ultimate Pleasure (with the pumping cup removed, of course.) For faster and stingier fluttering, there’s the Satisfyer Sweet Treat and the French Kiss toys from CalExotics.
Another fun option is a toy that offers different tactile sensations, like the Zalo Bess or Adrien Lastic Caress. Tickling, teasing, and massaging your ass with varied surfaces is a great way to keep things interesting.
Exploring Rimming
The most talked about form of external anal stimulation is oral-anal sex, also called rimming. A partner’s lips and tongue pleasuring your hole feels soft, hot, and exquisitely erotic.
How do you prepare for oral-anal sex?
After cleanliness, the biggest concern people tend to have about rimming is taste. If the slightly musky taste of a clean butt hole is off-putting for you, there are a number of ways to compensate. The first is perhaps the most obvious: using a dental dam. Most dental dams are also flavored, so you have the bonus of strawberry or vanilla sweetness. If you don’t have a dam, a condom can be cut for similar usage. Snip off the rim and the tip, then cut the tube open vertically to make a rectangle.
Another option is all about technique. When rimming a partner, you can incorporate more spit. After a few wet licks, the receiver’s taste is pretty effectively masked. If you don’t want to wait that long, you can use flavored lubricants like Sliquid’s Swirl collection.
It’s just as important to prepare your mouth as it is to prepare a butt for rimming. Don’t use mouthwash or eat spicy food immediately before going down on a partner; the skin is incredibly sensitive. Make sure you don’t overextend or overwork your tongue and tear the frenulum (the thin membrane of skin beneath your tongue), as it can be mildly painful, and an open wound increases the risk of STI’s and other infections.
How can you use your mouth for oral-anal pleasure?
The butt hole is rich with nerve endings, and your mouth is perhaps the softest tool to pleasure them. You will likely have to spread your partner’s cheeks to comfortably reach their hole. If you’re struggling to achieve a good angle, you can use a Liberator pillow (or a doubled-over pillow from your own bed) to better situate their hips.
The anus is an orifice strikingly similar to the mouth: a warm channel surrounded by plush, sensitive flesh. Like a mouth, it can be kissed, which is often the easiest way to relax into a rimjob for both people. You can wet your lips and massage them against the tender skin, gradually opening your mouth to involve your tongue.
A few methods to consider:
Flatten out your tongue and take wide, slow licks over their hole. Using the full width of your tongue allows you to stimulate their entire hole all at once.
Tease the crinkles of their skin with the very tip of your tongue, like you’re mapping out every line. The point of your tongue can feel pokey by itself; unless your partner enjoys poking, keep your tongue relaxed to avoid jabbing.
Tongue fuck them! The sphincter is usually pretty unyielding at first. Relaxation and physical arousal will help loosen the muscles and allow you to penetrate them with your tongue. You can spear them with the tip of your tongue, use the flat of your tongue to lick inward, etc.
Everyone is different and thus will enjoy different things. But in general, slower and more thorough licking translates better. You can also incorporate kissing, sucking, blowing/sighing air, mouth noises (such as rumbly moans), and your fingers. You don’t have to hover on their hole the whole time either; the butt crack, cheeks, and taint are all sensitive as well. Varying up the stimulation keeps the receiver engaged and helps prevent you from overworking your tongue.
