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A Guide To Vaginal Fisting - Concerns, Techniques & Preparation

A Guide To Vaginal Fisting

Fisting is one of the most orgasmically intense sex acts you can do with just your hands - but it’s way more fun when you combine it with toys!

Here’s a quick summary of what this post will cover:

• Why are people into vaginal fisting?
• The most common concerns about fisting
• How long does it take to prepare for first-time fisting?
• Fisting technique and timing
• What kind of lube to use
• General toy guidelines

Why are people into vaginal fisting?

From a sensory perspective, the vaginal stretch from fisting applies immense pressure on the internal parts of the clitoris. If you adore penetration and can expand your comfort zone to accommodate a hand, that yields huge pleasure.

Every little movement can potentially induce another orgasm — even the act of pulling out itself! That applies doubly if the knuckles are oriented against the G-spot for not just raw intensity but also focus on that internal hot spot. Every sensation at the bottom half of the vagina is dialed up to a 10 out of 10.

If a dyad chooses to incorporate dominance and submission into fisting, it can be about vulnerability, trust, and control. Vaginas are strong but delicate; getting a hand inside and making it feel good every step of the way takes strong awareness and communication skills. Once it’s in, it’s a great setup for repeat orgasms at the mercy of the dominant partner’s whims.

The most common concerns about fisting

People’s hang-ups about fisting include:

  • Doesn’t fisting make the receptive partner loose?
  • Will it ruin appreciation for penis-in-vagina intercourse?

In other words, “Does the pleasure of fisting come at a steep cost?” The short answer is that it doesn’t have to be for your body. (For your wallet, it will likely be an investment. More on that later.)

The vulnerability and stress on the muscles during fisting are very real. At the same time, one would take similar precautions to doing a hamstring stretch to prepare for a split. You can have great flexibility and strength! Relaxing the vagina enough for fisting and clenching it super tight are two separate skills. If someone doesn’t understand that, you don’t have to justify it to them.

As with any mobility regimen, listen to your body about its limitations. Moreover, with something as stigmatized as sex, go at the rate of mental and emotional comfort just as much as physical comfort. Do your stretches. Build strength with pelvic floor exercises. See the results. Repeat if you want to keep going.

How long does it take to prepare for fisting?

There is no set timeline for your first time fisting; it is a matter of enjoying the journey of big toys rather than the destination. For some people, it can take months, even years, to finally consume a fist because they’re comfortable with “just” 4 fingers or a big-but-not-gargantuan toy.

While it can feel like a tremendous athletic accomplishment, it’s okay to never have a fist inside you. Incredible orgasms with 3 or 4 fingers are enough of a success! When you’re ready for a fist, you’ll know. Don’t have a chokehold on that as the outcome.

Fisting technique and timing

Setting the stage

Relaxation is vital. Don’t do it on a day when the receptive partner is stressed. Around menstruation can complicate things, too, because the cervix is lower and more sensitive to irritation.

Use ample lube. Go slow. Do some pelvic massage and try for a few orgasms first, if possible. Level up to 3 fingers, then 4. Then, switch to using toys. Dildos are a must for most people warming up to fisting so that the hand doesn’t cramp or get tired. It’s an athletic endeavor for the topping partner, too!

After using a few warm-up toys…

Fisting doesn’t start with a full-on fist, but instead folding the hand as compactly as possible. Imagine the Italian finger purse gesture, with the thumb positioned lower and the other knuckles straightened.

In general, the most challenging part of fisting is wrapping it around the knuckles. For that reason, the following positioning guidelines may help at first:

  • Have the receptive partner lie on their back for comfort
  • Turn your hand so that the palm side is directed toward the belly button
  • Push against the back wall to decrease pressure on the urethra

Go even slower than you think you need to. Use tiny, tiny thrusts — not even a full centimeter at first. Do not continuously push in; have long cycles of pausing, holding, and clenching before going in deeper.

Closing the fist can come once you get to the wrist. If you can’t do that, that’s okay, too. For some people, especially those with short vaginal canals, closing the fist will happen automatically.

Knowing when to slow down or stop

Experiencing the following can be a yellow light at best or a red light at worst:

  • Pressure on the urethra
  • Pain
  • Soreness the next day
  • Blood (definitely a red light!)

Tension is normal, but if it straight up hurts, stop what you’re doing, or at least pause. When in doubt: pause, breathe through it, and see how the sensation shifts. Just hold it there. Then, decide whether to push further, pull back, or end the scene.

If you’re feeling urethral pressure, chances are, you need to do one of the following:

  • Warm up for longer, and with a wider range of toy softness levels
  • Adjust your angling away from the front wall
  • Use more lube on the front side
  • Slow down

What kind of lube to use

Water-based personal lubricant is ideal, since you’ll likely use silicone warm-up toys. Pure silicone lube is more slippery and long-lasting, but tends to degrade silicone surfaces. However, water-silicone hybrids are a nice in-between for toy material compatibility and longevity.

Try one of the following formulas:

Toy guidelines to level up from average dildo to a fist

You’ll want to pay attention to, of course, the size of a warm-up dildo, but that’s not the only factor. Silicone softness matters, too! Generally, indie makers use softer silicone and are clearer about how squishy their toys are than mass manufacturers. They’re also more willing to make bigger toys.

Here’s a quick look at some of my favorite makers, from softest to firmest:

  • Vixskin tends to be super soft on the outside
  • Pris Toys explicitly wants their toys a little firmer than VixSkin
  • Uberrime’s big toys are always soft, about the firmness of a slightly stale gummy bear
  • Tantus’s Super Soft formula is still firm compared to other brands’ super soft

How might someone use this information in practice? Here’s one example of someone’s sex toy journey through big dildos:


Of course, everyone’s preferences as to exactly what toy shapes to use will vary! You can find a more in-depth fisting guide and big toys comparison at the sex toy review blog, Super Smash Cache.

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