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1. Zero to 60 with one little dab!

   Posted by Laurieann from Backwoods Bedroom (Southern US) on Mar 29th 2018

   I don’t know whether it’s the caffeine, the Kush, the catnip, or a combination of all three, but all I can say is wow! This is the best lube I’ve ever tried, and I'm a sex blogger. Only minutes after the first application, I start to feel the same level of confidence as I do after I’ve had a few glasses of wine and a hit or two off my bong. I can go from zero to 60 with one little dab! I can’t recommend Piph Lube enough.

2. An alternate universe of sexual pleasure.

   Posted by Robert Boberson (Tacoma, WA) on Mar 29th 2018

   When I used Piph Lube, it felt like there was a CAT PURRING INSIDE OF ME. I don’t know how it got in there or why it was INSIDE OF ME, but it took me to an alternate universe of sexual pleasure that I was not heretofore aware of. I think it may be not only psychoactive, but mildly hallucinogenic. Would try again.

3. Like a “special” brownie in a bottle.

   Posted by Kate Sloan (Toronto, Canada) on Mar 29th 2018

   This isn’t a lube for a quick, get-‘er-done kind of wank, just as a “special” brownie isn’t the ideal snack for when you’re running out the door to go write your SATs. (Well, depends on what kind of brain you have, I guess.) You’ve gotta settle in with this one. Clear your schedule. Light some incense. Take the phone off the hook, you archaic landline-possessing cutie, you.
   
   When I smear Piph Lube all over a dildo or a butt plug for a luxurious wank sesh, I know I’m about to have an experience. The first time I tried the final formulation, I had three theatrical orgasms in a candle-rimmed bathtub while intermittently wailing along to Ani DiFranco and giggling like a six-year-old at a birthday party. The next time I tried it, I channelled my inner Rosie the Riveter and got most of my own fist inside me while chanting, “We can do it! We can do it!” The time after that, I squirted so hard I thought I was gonna pass out, and when I looked at the puddle on my bedsheets, I swear to god it was shaped like a unicorn. Hey, don’t ask me, I can’t explain the hows and whys of queer magic.
   
   Although ingesting too much of any one additive in this lube could fuck you up pretty bad, the lube itself is totally body-safe. And it’s a good thing, too, because I want to use it a lot. Like, all the time. It’s hard not to love a product that makes your vagina feel like it’s flying through the cosmos holding hands with Cher and Prince.

4. I want this to end.

   Posted by Joe (Oslo, Norway) on Mar 29th 2018

   I slathered Piph Lube all over my penis and now my cats won't leave my crotch alone. It's making me uncomfortable. Can you help make it stop please?